Notwithstanding gathering information on sexual styles and positions, foreplay, and pad talk, Foos appreciated his visitors’ washroom propensities. He had introduced seeing grilles in a few of the Manor House’s restrooms for this reason. One lady sat on the latrine “side-saddle.” A man sat on the can in reverse, confronting the divider. Foos noticed, “Each believable position or way to deal with the cabinet has been watched.” More men than Foos could include urinated the sink. He communicated outrage at the can business for its inability to address the difficulties men have in coordinating their pee stream precisely. (“In the event that I had my direction, I’d outline a family unit latrine that was more similar to an upright urinal,” he let me know.)
He grumbled about the visitors who smoked, not on account of it fouled the room but rather “in light of the fact that the smoke rises and surges the vent,” obstructing his view. He likewise made note of visitors whose conduct he discovered bizarre or disquieting: the person who subtly urinated in his date’s whiskey; the fat individual who checked in with a substantially more youthful man and after that dressed him up in a fuzzy outfit with horns, saying, “You are wonderful; I have never observed a more lovely sheep-kid.”
Be that as it may, all the more frequently Foos discovered watching his visitors discouraging. They contended. They observed excessively TV. (This was particularly infuriating when the visitors were appealing and could have invested their energy having intercourse rather.) After watching one sexual experience, which he viewed as regularly unacceptable for the lady, he composed:
This is reality. . . . These are genuine individuals! I’m altogether appalled that only i should bear the weight of my perceptions. These subjects will never discover joy and separation is unavoidable. He doesn’t know the main thing about sex or its application. The main thing he knows is infiltration and pushing, to climax, under the spreads with the lights out.
My voyeurism has contributed colossally to my turning into a futilitarian, and I despise this molding of my spirit. . . . What is so tacky is that the larger part of subjects are working together with these people in both outline and plan. A wide range of ways to deal with life would be instantly actualized, if our general public would have the chance to be Voyeur for a Day.
As Gerald Foos reflected upon his “weight” as a submitted voyeur, he considered himself to be an entangled figure. He had no power over what he saw and no escape from its impact.
As I read the areas of the diary he sent me, which secured the mid-nineteen-sixties through the mid-seventies, I saw that his persona as an essayist changed, step by step moving from a first-individual storyteller into a character whom he expounded on in the third individual. Once in a while he utilized “I,” and now and again he’d allude to himself as “the voyeur.”
The passages turn out to be progressively foreboding, and Foos begins to contribute the omniscient Voyeur character with heavenly characteristics. He seems, by all accounts, to be losing his hold on the real world. Be that as it may, just once, while posted in the storage room, did he really talk through a vent to a man beneath. He was looking down on Room 6, where he saw a visitor eating Kentucky Fried Chicken while sitting on the bed. Rather than utilizing paper napkins, the man cleaned his hands on the bedsheets. He at that point wiped the oil off his whiskers and mouth with the comforter. Without acknowledging what he was doing, Foos yelled, “You two bit bastard!”
The subject quit eating and checked out the room, and after that went to the window and watched out. Obviously he knew somebody yelled S.O.B., yet couldn’t decide from which course the affront came. He went to the window and paid special mind to the second time and considered the circumstance for a couple of minutes, and afterward proceeded with his bestial dietary patterns.
Foos lost control on different events, each time gambling presentation. One time he was watching a couple who were around the local area on a dairy cattle purchasing trip. After they ate McDonald’s cheeseburgers (wiping their hands on their bluejeans) and watched a rerun of “Gunsmoke,” they got into bed. Foos was anxious to see the lady uncovered, yet the man killed the lights. “I won’t remain for this by any means,” Foos wrote in the diary. “I come back to the ground level and stop my auto specifically before his unit, and turn the lights on brilliant.” After returning to the upper room, Foos was hindered afresh.
The room is lit up genuine well, and he starts his creature like pushing under the spreads. [After three minutes he] promptly pulls back and leaves for the washroom. I at long last get the chance to see her body when she un-spreads to wipe the semen away on my comforter. . . . She is perfectly proportioned, however most likely similarly inept and imbecilic.
He returns from the restroom and notes that the lights outside are still on. He says, “I ponder what the circumstance is with this auto with the lights on.”
The diary passage closes with an existential rumination: Foos is sinking further into seclusion and despondency. The more I read, the more persuaded I turned into that Foos’ stilted mysticism were his method for endeavoring to raise his irritating side interest into something of significant worth.
End: I am as yet unfit to figure out what work I serve. . . . Evidently, I’m designated the obligation of this overwhelming weight to be set upon myself—failing to be ready to tell anybody! . . . The wretchedness assembles, however I will proceed forward with my exploration. I’ve contemplated every so often that maybe I don’t exist, just speak to a result of the subjects’ fantasies. Nobody would trust my achievements as a voyeur in any case, in this way, the fanciful appearance would clarify my world.